10. American History X: Edward Norton gets gang-raped in the shower room by 8 Neo-Nazi skinheads. Ed has a ton of trouble walking afterwards. Oucharoo.
9. Y Tu Mama Tambien: A friend of mine suggested this movie claiming that there was a threesome toward the end. As I watched the movie in anticipation, I noticed how the principle characters were 2 men and 1 woman. I waited, hoped for another female character to be introduced, but to no avail. No, the threesome was 2 men and 1 woman. Lucky me.
8. The Basketball Diaries: Leonardo DiCaprio gets hit on and groped by his basketball coach, then spirals into heroin addiction, spiraling so far that he starts going into public bathrooms with strange men for money.
7. Boogie Nights: Marky Mark becomes a huge porn star, gets hit on by Phillip Seymour Hoffman, than spirals out of control, capping off his journey by jerking off for a redneck for money and getting the shit kicked out of him.
6. Pulp Fiction: I think somewhere, deep down inside, Marsellus Wallace enjoyed getting raped by Zed in the basement of Maynard’s pawn shop.
5. Dog Day Afternoon: A great heist film gone awry. Al Pacino and friends rob a bank, get stuck inside, and then the audience comes to find out that Al Pacino was stealing the money to pay for his boyfriend’s sexual reassignment surgery. How romantic.
4. Armageddon: The end. Where Bruce Willis pushes Ben Affleck back into the spaceship and sacrifices himself. He tells Ben, “I always thought of you as a son.” Ben replies, “I love you.” Totally gay.
3. The Crying Game: The chick has a dick. Nuff said.
2. Top Gun: The most unintentional homoerotic film ever made. Quentin Tarantino said it best with his monologue in Sleep with Me, which I will now post:
Top Gun is fucking great. What is Top Gun? You think it's a story about a bunch of fighter pilots.
9. Y Tu Mama Tambien: A friend of mine suggested this movie claiming that there was a threesome toward the end. As I watched the movie in anticipation, I noticed how the principle characters were 2 men and 1 woman. I waited, hoped for another female character to be introduced, but to no avail. No, the threesome was 2 men and 1 woman. Lucky me.
8. The Basketball Diaries: Leonardo DiCaprio gets hit on and groped by his basketball coach, then spirals into heroin addiction, spiraling so far that he starts going into public bathrooms with strange men for money.
7. Boogie Nights: Marky Mark becomes a huge porn star, gets hit on by Phillip Seymour Hoffman, than spirals out of control, capping off his journey by jerking off for a redneck for money and getting the shit kicked out of him.
6. Pulp Fiction: I think somewhere, deep down inside, Marsellus Wallace enjoyed getting raped by Zed in the basement of Maynard’s pawn shop.
5. Dog Day Afternoon: A great heist film gone awry. Al Pacino and friends rob a bank, get stuck inside, and then the audience comes to find out that Al Pacino was stealing the money to pay for his boyfriend’s sexual reassignment surgery. How romantic.
4. Armageddon: The end. Where Bruce Willis pushes Ben Affleck back into the spaceship and sacrifices himself. He tells Ben, “I always thought of you as a son.” Ben replies, “I love you.” Totally gay.
3. The Crying Game: The chick has a dick. Nuff said.
2. Top Gun: The most unintentional homoerotic film ever made. Quentin Tarantino said it best with his monologue in Sleep with Me, which I will now post:
Top Gun is fucking great. What is Top Gun? You think it's a story about a bunch of fighter pilots.
It is a story about a man's struggle with his own homosexuality. It is! That is what Top Gun is about, man. You've got Maverick, all right? He's on the edge, man. He's right on the fucking line, all right? And you've got Iceman, and all his crew. They're gay, they represent the gay man, all right? And they're saying, go, go the gay way, go the gay way. He could go both ways.
Kelly McGillis, she's heterosexuality. She's saying: no, no, no, no, no, no, go the normal way, play by the rules, go the normal way. They're saying no, go the gay way, be the gay way, go for the gay way, all right? That is what's going on throughout that whole movie...
He goes to her house, all right? It looks like they're going to have sex, you know, they're just kind of sitting back, he's takin' a shower and everything. They don't have sex. He gets on the motorcycle, drives away. She's like, "What the fuck, what the fuck is going on here?" Next scene, next scene you see her, she's in the elevator, she is dressed like a guy. She's got the cap on, she's got the aviator glasses, she's wearing the same jacket that the Iceman wears. She is, okay, this is how I gotta get this guy, this guy's going towards the gay way, I gotta bring him back, I gotta bring him back from the gay way, so I'm do that through subterfuge, I'm gonna dress like a man. All right? That is how she approaches it.
All right, but the REAL ending of the movie is when they fight the MIGs at the end, all right? Because he has passed over into the gay way. They are this gay fighting fucking force, all right? And they're beating the Russians, the gays are beating the Russians. And it's over, and they fucking land, and Iceman's been trying to get Maverick the entire time, and finally, he's got him, all right? And what is the last fucking line that they have together? They're all hugging and kissing and happy with each other, and Ice comes up to Maverick, and he says, "Man, you can ride my tail, anytime!" And what does Maverick say? "You can ride mine!" Swordfight! Swordfight! Fuckin' A, man!
1. Deliverance: Poor Ned Beatty. The guy could go on to win 4 Oscars, discover the cure for cancer and AIDS, throw the game-winning touchdown in the Super Bowl, and be elected President, but all anyone is going to remember about him is the fact that he got raped by a hillbilly in Deliverance. I don’t know how out of work he was at the time, but I would have turned down that part in a heartbeat.
1. Deliverance: Poor Ned Beatty. The guy could go on to win 4 Oscars, discover the cure for cancer and AIDS, throw the game-winning touchdown in the Super Bowl, and be elected President, but all anyone is going to remember about him is the fact that he got raped by a hillbilly in Deliverance. I don’t know how out of work he was at the time, but I would have turned down that part in a heartbeat.
I can see Ned now . . . “I get fucked in the ass, by a hillbilly, while squealing like a pig . . . yet no one else in the film goes through that abuse or embarrassment, . . . sounds good, when do we shoot.”
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